Sunday, 19 December 2010

International Book Trespass Day update

International Book Trespass day has gone well. It was great to meet you all in Mold, Warrington, Liverpool and Manchester. Hurrah to the oppressed authors of the UK and down with the monetarist capitalist pigs who run our bookshops and control our publishers.

You will all be very pleased (obviously excluding members of the secret service, the police and the capitalist lackeys who are reading this to glean intelligence about our protests) to know that there are now over 150 copies of the Fatman’s Guide to not Being Fat carefully placed on the shelves of bookshops across the North West, and well over 200 other authors’ books in bookshops across the UK as a result of our ground breaking, revolutionary action.

We are due in Chester today at 3..30pm and looking forward to meeting many more of our supporters who are giving their time and risking their liberty to make the publishers & bookshop owners pay attention to the demands of the small man on the street.

See you in Chester! Keep the protests real, don’t hit policemen or urinate over shop windows. Policemen have feelings too and your urine can actually melt the shop window causing distress to window fitting company workers. Solidarity with the workers!

Timetable for our action has been removed to prevent the police and the book shops’ private security companies following us as we travel the country.  (Blog Ends).

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Seaweed Recipes - free to download


Welcome to the Seaweed Blog, a collection of extraordinary life-altering recipes using the miraculous qualities of naturally grown Welsh seaweed. Losing weight does not need to be arduous when you use these recipes to change your lifestyle and eating habits. The recipes must be used in conjunction with The Fatman Technique, a revolutionary plan to change a fat person’s life forever without dieting. The best guide to the Fatman Technique is “The Fatmans Guide to not being Fat”, by Keith David, priced £19.99 and available to order on this website.

Why is seaweed a miracle cure for Fat People?
You will need to read ‘The Fatman’s Guide to not being Fat’ to find out. Priced at £19.99 it is very reasonable.

Locating your Seaweed:
This is very simple. Get hold of the times of high tide and low tide for your local beach and take a carrier bag and a knife. Welsh seaweed contains unique dietary properties not found in any parts of the UK, although we have heard of similar health benefits being derived from seaweed gathered in Normandy. Collect seaweed below the high tide point to ensure that you do not confuse seaweed with any dried dog poo or effluent from sewerage pipes by mistake. A carrier bag full will last you about 2 weeks, so if you live a long way from the beach it may be worth taking a wheelbarrow and a few bin bags. Once you get the seaweed home it is important to puree it into a usable liquid, and freeze it in blocks, a little like frozen spinach. Simply use your food processor to liquidize the whole plant, squeezing out any excess water before starting. Some purists like to add a dash of tarragon to their seaweed but it is debatable whether this really has any effect.

Breakfast Recipes:

  1. Seaweed, Raisins, Semi-Skimmed Milk and Bananas.

Perfect to get you moving in and out the bedroom (to paraphrase Huey Lewis). Simply use your food processor to mix up seaweed with the bananas and add milk and raisins to the bowl. Warning – the first time you try this you may feel the urge to gag – do not worry - this passes in time.

  1. Seaweed on Toast.

Particularly palatable on white bread with lard, for some unknown reason. Toast your bread on both sides before adding the seaweed with a splash of Worcester sauce.

Lunchtime Recipes:

  1. Peanut butter and seaweed sandwiches.

Works well with granary bread and a bit of marmite mixed in with the seaweed. Spread the peanut butter evenly across the toast, ensuring there is enough seaweed to cover the whole slice.

  1. Boiled eggs, marmite soldiers and seaweed.

Simply add the seaweed to your marmite soldiers, dipping them into your runny egg. Are you a fattipuff or a thinnifer? (daft question if you are reading this I guess).

  1. Advocado, banana and seaweed rice crackers.

Deep fry the rice crackers in sesame oil, slice the advocado and banana, placing the seaweed on top of both with a twist of lemon and plenty of black pepper. Good for conversation at dinner parties.
Afternoon Tea:

Seaweed Cake

4 oz Self Raising Flour
3 oz Welsh Seaweed
4 oz Sugar
2 oz Butter
1 tsp baking powder
100g raisins
25g cinnamon
1 tub of single cream.

Mix all the ingredients together apart from the cream, and place in a cake tin. Bake for 40 mins in a 180 degree oven before removing from the cake tin and allowing to cool. Serve the cake whilst warm with single cream poured over the top.


Starter Suggestion: Avocado, Banana and Seaweed Rice Crackers – see above for details.
Main Course: Seaweed, Green Lentil and Red Pepper Tartlets served on a bed of wild rice.
Pudding: Seaweed cake.

(for details of the recipe for the main course, please purchase “The Fatmans Guide to not Being Fat”, priced at a very reasonable £19.99 and available for download from this website or Amazon).  

If you have any suggestions for modifying any of the above recipes, please let us know. Incidentally the word “seaweed” is not some sort of code for “cannabis”. Please look elsewhere for such recipes.

Keith David, Llandaffr DH, Denbighshire

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Fatmans Guide to Not Being Fat Book

Happy Fatty, P A I N and electronic tags for fat people - all explained in this revolutionary new guide to losing weight without dieting. Change your life, not your waistline. Changing your waistline won't change anything if you are a miserable fat person still without the extra weight....

For details please email

Friday, 26 November 2010

International Book Trespass Day 1st December 2010 - A Guide

Guide for International Book Trespass Day, 1st December 2010

Hello. My name is Keith David and I have written this guide to help you get the most out of International Book Trespass Day, 1st December.

Reclaim the book shelves from the multinational corporations who decide unilaterally what you or anyone else can buy or read in book shops and on the library shelves. Have you written a novel, a collection of poetry, a racy novel about your neighbourhood or simply a study of mediaeval landscape gardening but unable to get a publisher? Don’t bother. Use International Book Trespass Day to get your book noticed, read, loved and appreciated by a huge audience.

Here is how it works:

  1. Print out extracts from your book – if possible take published versions of your book with you, but obviously cost can be a bit prohibitive.
  2. Make a list of all the bookshops in your area.
  3. Print out the downloadable leaflet on International Book Trespass Day.
  4. Visit the bookshops and hand over a copy of the leaflet (the leaflet explains to the bookseller that you will be visiting the store incognito on the 1st December and depositing your book or an extract from your book on the shelves at random).
  5. On 1st December visit the bookstores in your area and deposit copies or extracts of your book on the shelves in suitable locations. Make sure you include a contact number, email address or website so that anyone finding your material can get in touch and enquire about your work.
  6. On your website or printed book cover you can now add “as seen in Waterstones/Foyles/WHSmith/Abbey National (obviously not much point Book Trespassing in the latter)”.
  7. Sit back and wait for sales to rocket.

Disclaimer: Keith David accepts no responsibility for anyone attempting to join International Book Trespass Day or take part in direct action. The above guide is simply a reflection on the modern publishing business and in no way should be used as a guide to trespass on bookshops.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Welcome to the Fat Man’s Guide to not being Fat Blog!

My name is Keith David and I am the author of many self-help books, such as “Masturbation is Murder”, “Live Without your Hair” and “How to Look Good – A Guide for Taxi Drivers”.

I have written a guide so revolutionary and advanced it is currently being tested by NASA to use at the International Space Station. The Fat Man’s Guide to Not Being Fat does not require you to lose weight – it encourages you to eat whatever you want. It does not encourage you to diet or be concerned about your weight, it encourages you to do whatever you want to do to make yourself happy.

This book, and its various associated products, will change your life.

To order an advanced copy, please click the paypal link below. The pre-launch price is £19.99, and you get a 5% discount off our ‘Super Weight Reducing Supplement’ if you place your order before the 31st October.

Watch as a member of the public - who just happened to be passing me in the street - loses more weight than most men ever had, in just 6 weeks.

Keith, North Wales
October 2010